1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the fuck alone!
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan
belt or a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to
steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10 . Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half
and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.